Surprised by Oxford

I'm sure it is no surprise to any of my blog readers that I am a book fanatic. I've joked in the past about trying to figure out a way to get paid just to sit and read. Well, I still haven't figured that out, but I did learn about a website www.booksneeze.com that does provide free books to bloggers in return for a review on their blog. Sign me up! The first book I picked was Surprised by Oxford a memoir by Carolyn Weber.

I work in student development at a Christian college so a memoir about discovering one's faith during their college years, well that's just right up my alley. Carolyn Weber is a self professed agnostic who from London, Ontario who receives a full scholarship to Oxford University where she plans to study romantic literature. She has spent her life relying on intellect and reason to survive, but it is faith she finds at Oxford. Her book reminded me a lot of another memoir "Girl meets God" which I also loved. Carolyn in just her first few days at Oxford was challenged by fellow students to really think more about her faith, God and what it means to be a Christian.

The fact that Ms. Weber has spent her life relying on her intellect she begins to look at her faith from an intellectual perspective and asking a lot of hard questions. One of my favorite quotes from this book is an interaction she has with one of her friends regarding her spiritual journey " I don't know if I can do this.. It's no use, I think I may need to leave it alone." Her friends response "Friend, you are no longer the person you were when you arrived in Oxford.. Oxford has changed you, or rather, what God is working through you at Oxford has changed you. You have been brought across, over, beyond. You are now in a different place. Of course you will continue to love, to question, to study, to learn, to do everything as before and more, just from a different place, this change, changes everything.

Isn't that the truth? Once we know and understand God's love, mercy and grace we are changed and we can no longer look at things in the same way. Ms Weber's mix of literature, her academic experience along with her spiritual journey make this a book I will share with others and keep for some time.

Be Still and Know that He is God

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still oh restless soul of mine
Bow before the prince of Peace
Let the noise and clamor cease
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that He has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is God
Be still
Be speechless
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know He is our Father
Come rest your head upon His breast
Listen to the rhythm of
His unfailing heart of love
Beating for His little ones
Calling each of us to come
Be still
Be still

I love this song, it challenges me in so many ways. While I would never describe myself as an overly active individual I have a very, very hard time being still. And what I mean by that is I cannot just sit and be still. If I'm watching television, I usually have my laptop, a magazine or a book in my lap. If I'm reading, I might also be plugged in to my ipod. Even my prayer life can be somewhat schizophrenic. A prayer for someone may remind that I should really send them a note or at least a phone call, and speaking of phone calls did I pay my cell phone bill this month? Some people might call this multitasking I call it restlessness. Even as I fall asleep each night I need background noise, the television or a white noise machine with crashing waves, a thunderstorm or perhaps the sounds of a babbling brook, although truth be told the babbling brook makes me think I have to pee.

This past week though I was forced to be still. At the end of June I did a back somersault with a half twist down a flight of stairs. The Russian judge gave me a 9.3 because I did not stick the landing. As a result of this tumble I took a trip to the emergency room for a CT scan of my head and some x-rays of my ankle. I left the emergency room thinking I had nothing but a sprained ankle and a lot of bruises. Turns out, I was wrong and the CT scan of my head revealed what my doctor called "suspicious white matter" which I later learned from my neurologist are lesions on my brain. They wanted to do further testing.

I spent the weeks leading up to the MRI stressing out, doing multiple Google searches of what brain lesions could mean and having a few melt downs here and there and praying. A lot of praying. I already have more than one chronic illness and the thought of dealing with another (Multiple Sclerosis) was not something I was ready for. My MRI was Thursday, I've had MRI's done before but I guess I forgot how tight those MRI capsules are, how loud they are and how still one must be during this type of examination. For each new "picture" that the technician would take they would tell me "this one will last about 2 minutes" and then you are put through two minutes of the most annoying noise I can recall. The sound is hard to describe, smoke detector? Air horn? Car Alarm? You get the point. For each new picture the length got longer. "This next one will be 7 minutes" Are you kidding me? At this point I had to come up with someway to avoid the torture that was going on around me. I started signing Don McLean's "American Pie" its an 8 minute song, the longest one I know. And yes it's true I know all the words. Doesn't everybody?

At some point during the MRI Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Be Still" came to me. I may have laughed a little, what choice did I have but to be still. And so I began signing this song to myself to block out the noise going on around me. "Let the noise and clamor cease" And for the first time in weeks amongst all the stress and worrying I had done I felt a sense of peace. His peace. I still do not know the results of the MRI but God does, and I am trusting Him.